The Tale of Two Bobbys

Bobby Chinn and his ego have moved to a “homelier” venue on Xuan Dieu. They promise homestyle cooking. Our ongoing boycott of all things Bobby Chinn (re: the slapping of staff or in Bobbyspeak his relentless pursuit of excellence) prevents us from ever setting foot in such a den of iniquity, so we had a squiz on New Hanoian. It looks EXACTLY like the old one! A very good friend once told us: “Bobby Chinn suffers from being Bobby Chinn” and perhaps this restaurant will suffer from that too. We’d love to hear your thoughts on the food and the whole “Bobby” experience.

Kremlin Kitsch

Amazingly there is a person in Hanoi who adores kitsch more than us. Our fabulous friend Jess loves kitsch so much she is dating a Russian! And let us tell you, you have to seriously love kitsch to do that! So anyretro when she told us to check out Samovar restaurant on Nghi Tam we knew we were in for a treat- a kitschapalooza if you will. And lordy we weren’t disappointed. Inside the cavernous building the bewildered patron will find matryoshkas (that’s Russian dolls to you and me petal), pictures of Yuri Gagarin and Gary Kasparov. Top that all off with  interior walls that are an ode to the Kremlin and you may officially consider your retinas assaulted. However the earnestness in which the restaurant has been decorated is so oddly endearing that you can’t help but love  every mad detail. The food is GOOD and the range of Vodka available is quite impressive. They also brew their own Kvas (a drink only Russians and perhaps Jess could love). This would make a fabulous venue for a 70’s themed party because let’s face it, the decorating has already been done for you!

Get Yer Ya Ya’s Out

Something fabulous has happened in West Lake – a Lebanese (no not lesbian kittens) restaurant has arrived on the shores of Tay Ho. Now it should be said that we bandy the word “fabulous” round a lot, but as two Melbourne gals we know fabulous when we see it and this is FABULOUS! The decor of Ya Beirut is understated and compliments rather than competes with  the food (hello Bobby Chin, hello Jo Jo’s) without being devoid of warmth or atmosphere. Think understated Arabian Nights with taupe walls,  terracotta tiles and draping fabric. And it must be said that we congratulate the owners for resiting the temptation to turn the restaurant into a scene from a Disney movie! The food is crisp, vibrant and fresh with lemon and garlic providing the initial explosion before the more subtle spices penetrate through. Many of the plates are designed to be eaten in the Lebanese mezze style and shared amongst the table. All of the Lebanese favorites are present including fabulous Baba Ghanoush and Dolmades. The meat is tender and disturbingly moreish. Expect to pay about 150,000 for a platter. Aside from serving food that is unique to Hanoi, the manager Noor (sorry if we misspelled it precious) truly understands the concepts of hospitality and good service. Whenever we eat at Ya Beirut he always offers something complimentary and takes the time to talk the customers, he is a true rarity in a city that often lags on customer service. We can’t get enough of it! Ya Ya Ya!

Ya Beirut

#4, Alley 28

Xuan Dieu

Tay Ho

Tell us Alice!

Fabulousness is cropping up everywhere all over town, and let’s face it there is a fair amount of faux fabbo too! So if you’ve got a fierce or not-so-fierce place to recommend (oh how we love thee Project Runway) let us know and we’ll promenade down and cast a discerning eye over it (and probably have a Pimms or two while we’re there).  For recommendations simply click to leave a comment. Go on, all the cool kids are doing it!

The Hash (Your weekly source of pervy old men)

Like to combine exercise and beer? If you’re looking for something to do on the weekend, you may want to consider the Hash. If you are unaware, the Hash House Harriers (the Hash) is a group that was started by some Brits in Malaysia who for unfathomable reasons decided to go for a run and finish it off with a beer. And, because they were Brits (and probably went to some nobby boarding school) they threw in a few bawdy songs along the way. Fast forward a bazillion years later and the Hash is a world wide phenomenon. If you ever wondered what people who went to nice schools do on the weekend once they become grown-ups, the answer is apparently they join the Hash. In Hanoi the Hash runs once a week. Also, the classily named Pussy Hash runs once a month during the week and is basically the ladies run (although anybody can go) and seems to be more about exercise than singing and drinking. On Saturdays the “normal” Hash runs (although what’s normal about a bunch of middle aged men who all have “cock” somewhere in their nickname escapes us), departing from outside either the American Club or JoJo’s on Hai Ba Trung in the afternoon. Not being particularly athletic, we have never run with the Hash, but we imagine that it’s quite similar to the chase scenes in an episode of Benny Hill (though sadly without chase music and nobody wears a dirndl) However, we have been to the Christmas Hash Bash,and we have to say that despite the proliferation of grey haired men and matrimonial-hungry Vietnamese women it was tremendous fun (in a disturbing geriatric boarding school way) we even took our Mum! Although there are a lot of people who sneer at the Hash as being pathetic and creepy (not unlike an episode of Benny Hill), there is something endearing about it (again not unlike Benny Hill) and it’s a great way to meet new people if you have just arrived in town. For more information check out www.hanoih3.com

There clearly isn’t enough apricot in this town

Not content with one apricot and veterinary blue extravaganza, Mediterraneo has opened Mediterraneo Mare (God help us all) which is a specialty Italian seafood restaurant located in possibly the most random location in the whole city (so random we’ve forgotten where!). And heaven preserve us (we’re in a Charlotte from a ‘Room with a View’ mood) the decor is (pause for dramatic effect) apricot and veterinary blue! They really need to stop hiring Robert Palmer and Don Johnson to do the colour schemes! And don’t get us wrong there’s nothing wrong with a bit of apricot, if you’re an 8 year old girl and the year is 1988, but seriously SERIOUSLY? We would never eat at any of the Mediterraneos because we have taste word on the street is that the staff are all madly trying to quit but the owner’s “wine consultant” (euphemism) won’t return the staff’s papers. We at Hanoi Guide don’t condone this type of behaviour and refuse to support any business that does. Anyway we digress (again) if you like your Italian served with healthy side order of crazy, then buon appetito otherwise head to Luna D’Autunno .

Segafredo, the Intercon of the Coffee Community

If the Intercon was a cafe it would be Segafredo – in terms of staff to customer ratios at least.  We’ve made Miami Vice (our xe om driver) stop there a few times en route to work to indulge in a caffeine fix. There are some pros and cons to Segafredo. Brace yourself this is going to be like that story about the man falling into the haystack!

Pro: the coffee is good and the latte is HUGE

Con: at 40,000 VND++ it’s a little on the costly side

Pro: the decor is chic and there is WIFI

Con: The food is expensive and the portions are small.

Pro: there are about 7 million people working there who all bow to you

Con: you have to say hello to all of them and the staff don’t seem to do much

Pro: The packaging is nice

Con:the service is unbelievably slow

The verdict? So okay, it’s not exactly like the Intercon, it’s more like if the intercon is Victoria Beckham then Segafredo is Katie Holmes – there’s something lacking. If you are really dying for a good coffee then have one at Segafredo, but if you are in a hurry or not a morning person then the kowtowing will drive you bonkers, and why a coffee needs a gift bag is beyond us (although we secretly love it). Also, despite the fact that there are so many staff, Segafredo lacks atmosphere and 7 staff gawking at you can be off putting. Instead, go to kitchen. The staff there are really lovely and they don’t care if you sit there all day, and they have better things to do than sit there staring like one o’clock half struck.

JAFA Free Drinkypoos

Now it’s no secret that we love Anna at J.A.F.A (we’re her new gay best friends) and we love her and the crew even more now because they have lost their minds and have decided to do free drinks for an hour on a Friday! Hurrah! Aside from the lovely alcodoholic (typo and we’re keeping it) goodness of it all, what we really love is watching the UNIS teachers burst through the doors like it’s the boxing day sales. Who would have thought that teachers from the most expensive school in town would be such Frugal Fridas! And yes it must so hard when your rent is paid for and you’re on holidays for three months a year and you get a decent salary – nobody deserves free alcohol more than you! So if you can stand to drink with a bunch of complaining Prues (not you Gina or Katherine – we love you in a Doris Day way) then come down and get your cashmere drink on (Niggaaaa -we kid) and chat to Anna, lovely (alcohol soaked) Shawn or (the equally lovely) Ben.

The Bobby Chinn mystery

Actually we lie, it’s not a mystery – we just wanted to intrigue you. The big news is that Restaurant Bobby Chinn is leaving Hanoi and moving to China. Chinese staff beware he looks like he’s not above a bitch slap with that steelo pony tail of his! (although the Chinese are good fighters and there’s a billion of them). Anywho, the new tenant is causing great division amongst the Prue community in Hanoi…. it’s McDonalds! Now you would expect us to be anti-this-establishment but actually we love to eat Junk and as two gals who’ve drunk a few Pimms in our time, we know the importance of rubber eggs, pig fat and 40g of fat when it comes to soaking up last night’s bevvies. So even though Baedeker will tell you that old Bobby boy is there, he ain’t! And we say Amen to that!

JoJo’s a Go-Go

What was the Cow has become JoJo’s. Despite the black and gold (Xanadu-esque) signage it really is quite chic inside. But as any elderly man in Asia will tell you, just because it looks like an innocent young girl, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t secretly a young rent boy in a wig! We digress. So it’s okay -it looks pretty, and given that most of the expats here either a) have no taste or b) are desperate for anything vaguely stylish it will probably do well. You could do worse and it would be a nice starter for a girly night in town. The food is the kind of food that was trendy in Sydney and Melbourne about 5 years ago but it’s tasty and to JoJo’s credit they have tried to reinvent some standard bar snacks. Let’s be honest too, Hanoi is hardly cutting edge of innovative cuisine! Of course the better choice would be Daluva but that’s the difference between a trendy bar run by a gay man and an ex model and a trendy bar run by a bunch of middle aged blokes that wear hawaiian shirts without any sense of irony. So, if you’re in town it’s a decent pit-stop, otherwise, head out to Daluva.